Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
false alarm, still single
Randomize
