i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
