did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
