alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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