Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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