dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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