i love accidental penises.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
