why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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