I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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