I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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