Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He passed out mid-signature
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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