The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
