i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
