OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
