When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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