My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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