We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
