Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
