the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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