At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
