I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she peed on how many people?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
