She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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