we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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