he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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