sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
