3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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