Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
