worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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