Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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