As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
