Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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