Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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