So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
