Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
