11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
