We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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