yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
