There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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