haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
