I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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