Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
