Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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