we're chasing vodka with high fives
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
