Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
