I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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