My cat gives me a boner
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
