ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I puked a lego.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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