I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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