I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
