don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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