I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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