so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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