Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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