Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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