I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
