Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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