part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
