that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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