I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
