does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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