I cockslap morals
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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