Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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