You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
