I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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